Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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