Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
