Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The beer is more important than you right now.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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