I can text with my tongue
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
