So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
