Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That was before I lit my hair on fire
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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