Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
