he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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