apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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