About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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