did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
