We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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