when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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