the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
