I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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