i was born a porn star she said
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
