Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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