my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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