If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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