You really coming over, don't trick.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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