at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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