She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
