last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
