Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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