when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize