Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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