I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
