let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
