Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
