Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize