and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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