I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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