escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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