Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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