I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
