absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
