i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
