Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
