i just google imaged poop.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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