Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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