i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
