and you said cock pushups were impossible
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
