everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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