Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
