drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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