I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
