just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
