He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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