bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
