she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
