youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
