Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
false alarm. still invincible.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
