he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
