Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
