HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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