I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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