Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
