I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
