new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
