NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
it's like heaven, but drunker
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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