Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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