She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
