You're completely useless in the revolution.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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