there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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