3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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