Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
