I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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