Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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